hello, 2012

So it really is 2012 already, allegedly the year when the world will end; still others say that this is the year when there will be a new world order or something like that. My opinion? I don't know (nobody knows for sure, anyway) and honestly, I don't care because whatever happens, it is always my goal to make the new year better than the previous one.

Before I possibly vanish again from this blog because of my rotations for the next 12 weeks (surgery, internal medicine and neurology), I would first like to do a quick review of my 2011 by going back to my resolutions for the previous year:

• Have a clean slate. Not squeaky clean; just with some erasures where they should be.
• I think I was able to do this. And in addition to myself, I was also able to let other people have a clean slate. Read: I was able to forgive and move forward.
• Stop pretending to be someone else. Read: stop  preventing myself from partying. Haha.
• Check. Although in general, I didn't want to go out as much as I used to anymore. Getting old? Becoming more mature? Maybe.
• Be a more conscientious student.
• Hmmm. Tough one. I'm still pretty much a crammer although I've read more pages in my textbooks, more research articles and clinical practice guidelines last year than my previous years in medical school (I think).
• Have better penmanship.
• At least for charts and other official hospital documents. Hehe. For stuff that's just for my own consumption, as long as I could still read it, then it's good enough.
• Hangout with non-Greek and non-med friends more often.
• I was able to do this during summer and until around the middle of last year. After that, the hospital just pretty much swallowed me. And for those other times when I wasn't so busy with hospital stuff, I was with my family or Greek family. 
• Always remember that there are as many sides to a story as there are people involved.
• Check. Hence my ability to forgive, as mentioned above.
• Start everyday with a smile. 
• Not so sure about this, especially on days when the only time that you get to sit is during some graded academic activity (like preceptorials) and your fist meal of the day is dinner, and the past 40 hours just seem like one long day. But still, I tried to find something to smile (better yet laugh) about everyday. Good enough, I guess.
• Sometimes let the limbic system take over.
• Tough one. I don't think that there have been much opportunities in my personal life for this. And definitely, I couldn't let the limbic system take over when I'm doing hospital work. Probably the only times when I've let this happen were during those times when I was trying to figure out what I really wanted to do with my career and my life.
• Learn a new skill. Or hone a previously acquired one.
• If we're talking clinical skills, then it's definitely a check. 
• Always count my blessings.
• Yes, and I am so, so thankful that 2011 was a much more peaceful year for me compared with 2010.

Overall, I think 2011 was an good year for me. It could have been much more awesome, but like I've already mentioned, I'm just so thankful that it was pretty peaceful for me. No wild emotional roller-coasters like those in 2010. I also came to realize which people are more likely still going to be in my life a few years down the road; I feel that they're the ones who no matter how long we haven't seen each other are still willing to spare some time for my random raves and rants. I don't know how I've done in the patience department because there were times when I just well, was running low on this.  

And because 2011 was relatively peaceful, I was able to take a step back and reflect on things happening in my life. Some of the lessons that I learned are as follows:

• There would be times when you really can't do anything anymore and the only thing that you would be left with is hope so you must hold on to it very, very tightly.
• Explaining yourself to other people is difficult and tiring but as long as you and the other person/s directly involved are ok, then you don't have to explain yourself to the other people. They could judge you all they want; what matters is that you and the other person/s involved know that you have a clean conscience. And yes, I believe that we are likely to be hurt by other people's judgment if know that what they're saying is true, in short if we're guilty.
• No matter how emotional the situation may be, do not let go of your objectivity. It would go a long, long way.
• Of the seven deadly sins wrath and pride, in combination, are probably the worst (and deadliest). And sure, one's wrath may eventually cool down but as long as one's pride is still there, the grudge against others will not go away, preventing us from being happy.
• It's cheesy but I believe that if we truly love, or have some love in us, we would be able to forgive and move on. This past year, I was able to prove to myself that love really is my religion.

 For 2012, here are my resolutions/hopes/wishes:

• Be more patient with and understanding of patients.
• Be a more responsible person.
• Be even more positive with my outlook in life. I think this would go a long, long way. Hey, optimism and idealism did me well in the past.
• Learn to make more time (because really, it's not about having time but being willing and able to make time).
• Pay it forward. :)

I'm scared of the coming weeks but I still hope that my birthday next month wouldn't be so bad (the best birthday gift that I could probably receive is to for the rest of clerkship to be as smooth-sailing as possible). Cheers to an awesome leap year!